


Moon River

by SkyWrites



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe - Space, Friendship, Gen, Humor, space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 22:39:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8596531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyWrites/pseuds/SkyWrites
Summary: When Undyne finds herself on the moon, she comes across a strange skeleton with a fish bowl for a helmet. Needless to say, that's not the weirdest part of her day.
Soon after, she finds herself aboard a new ship! Adventures in space await!





	1. Moon River

**Author's Note:**

> ~~Not outertale.~~

A serene blue earth hung from the black sky, reflected within the moon river that sparkled a brilliant emerald green as it traveled lazily down the white soil. A forest of trees grew around the water, their leaves shimmering a pale cobalt, the bark a muddy red.

_What strange colors,_ the lone traveler thought to herself.

Boot prints could be found among the river’s banks. A fishy female walked along the side, wearing shoddy well-worn clothing that had seen years of use. Her lone eye glared across the green river. It must have been more than a mile wide.

To a fish, such as herself, this shouldn’t be an issue! However, her scales begged to differ. Something about the water here burned like acid. In all honesty, the fishy traveler had no need to cross the river necessarily, but at this point it felt like the emerald liquid was challenging her! Taunting her!

‘A fish who can’t cross a river? Ha!’ it laughed in her mind.

“I’ll show you!!” she shouted, her voice rustling the calm moon trees. There wasn’t a soul for miles around her in this forest, at least as far as she could tell.

The days were difficult to read here on the moon. There wasn’t an atmosphere, so looking up got you a big slice of starry space, day or night. Luckily, monsters and their magic never minded the laws of physics. Using said magic, they made trees and rivers which thrived on the dusty little moon, even providing it with enough oxygen somehow.

Ngaaah! The details weren’t important! The fish scratched her head, feeling a headache coming on. She was never one for science. As long as she could be here without dying, that’s all that mattered!

Her stomach growled a mighty growl. The moon berries that grew around here were sweet, but like the water, held some kind of acidic taste to them. She wasn’t fond of that part, but it was better than starving.

She took a seat in a patch of blue-green grass by the river, opening her ragged knapsack. Berries again. She could really go for some greasy burgers right about now. Throwing the sugary sweets into her grinding fangs languidly, she stared out over that river again. How far would she have to walk to beat this thing?!

Looking out into the distance, she witnessed a strange sight. A bright white thing appeared to be floating down the river. She strained her eye. It looked like a raft! And someone was on it! This would be the first person she’d seen since she landed on the moon!

“Hey you!!” she roared, her booming voice causing ripples in the water near her. “You!! Yeah!!”

Anyone else probably would have abandoned ship at the mere sound of her barbaric shouts, but this guy just smiled back her way, waving his bony arms at her like he was about to take flight. Upon closer inspection, the fish noted that the guy was a skeleton! Almost as tall as her even.

The skeleton stranger wore a spiffy get up, but like the fish, it was well used. Strangest of all, however, he wore a glass helmet over his skull, which looked more like a fish bowl than the real thing.

“GREETINGS, FRIEND!” the skeleton shouted, his voice matching hers in magnitude. Using a large bone as an oar, he paddled his way over to the shore. The fish noticed the raft was made entirely out of bones as well. “MY NAME’S PAPYRUS!”  

The fish was thrown off by this skeleton’s friendliness. “I, uh, I’m Undyne,” she replied instinctively, usually much more reluctant to give out her name.

“NICE TO MEET YOU!” Papyrus grabbed her hand firmly and started shaking vigorously.

Undyne was impressed with his strength, but still skeptical. “Yeah, same,” she lied. “So, uh, your raft got room for two?”

Papyrus had no eyes, but his sockets sparkled anyway. “WOWIE! YOU GET RIGHT TO THE POINT, DON’T YOU?” Undyne wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or not. “IT ABSOLUTELY HAS ROOM! IT WAS BUILT BY THE GREAT PAPYRUS AFTER ALL! I EXPECT IT COULD HOLD TWENTY ELEPHANTS!”

The raft itself was just a shoddy little square of bones held together by rope. Wait, was that even rope? Why did it remind her of noodles?

Undyne shrugged. She wasn’t afraid of some little river, or this skeleton, or this death-trap of a raft he was riding on! “Sounds good to me,” she lied again, stepping on board with the skeleton.

Papyrus was audibly impressed with this fishy wanderer’s ability to accept rides from complete strangers so quickly. “YOU MUST REALLY TRUST ME!” he shouted, pushing off the muddy white banks.

The raft creaked dangerously under their feet, but Undyne held her ground. “Uh-huh,” she replied, another lie.

“I DON’T BLAME YOU! I CERTAINLY GIVE OFF A COOL TRUSTWORTHY AURA, DON’T I?” he posed heroically, his glass helmet sparkling.

With the dark blue earth shining behind him in the black sky, Undyne couldn’t help but admit that he actually did look pretty cool. In a weird dumb way. She couldn’t explain it. “Guess so,” she said, realizing it wasn’t much of a lie this time.

She took a seat down on the side of the raft, legs splayed out, watching the colorful trees go by as the river lazily pushed them down. The river fizzed slightly, corroding the bones away slowly. Papyrus assured her that his bones were fortified with lots of calcium, even though she wasn’t worrying about it anyway.

Once he could be sure their ride would be safe and sound, Papyrus placed his bone oar off to the side. “I’M USUALLY GREAT AT STANDING, BUT I DON’T WANT TO INTIMIDATE YOU!” he explained as he sat down next to her, bony legs crossed politely.

Everything in her mind told her to shout ‘ _is that a challenge?!_ ’ but instead she just found herself smirking. This goofy skeleton really thought he was intimidating her? Especially with that…

“What’s with the helmet?” she blurted out. “You know there’s air here, and I mean, you’re a skeleton, so I assume…”

Papyrus was thrilled she noticed. “WHILE YOUR ASSUMTION IS QUITE RUDE, I HOLD NO OFFENSE! MY STYLE DOES OFTEN MYSTIFY.” He winked. “I’M A SPACE TRAVELER! SO, I NEED A SPACE HELMET! LOOKING AUTHENTIC IS IMPORTANT!”

Huh. She supposed that was true. It _was_ pretty authentic.

“WHILE WE ARE STEREOTYPING EACH OTHER, I MUST ASK, WHY DON’T YOU JUST SWIM THROUGH THE RIVER IF YOU’RE A FISH?”

Undyne slammed her fist down on the raft, causing it to shake and shudder. “You tryin’ to start something, punk?!”

Trying to regain his balance and his composure, Papyrus wiped the beads of sweat off his skull. “I WAS JUST TRYING TO SHOW YOU HOW HURTFUL STEREOTYPES CAN BE!” he shouted, doing his best not to sound frightened.

Her fist unclenched as she let herself relax. “I, uh… guess you’re right.” She looked out into the emerald river again, feeling strangely guilty. “Sorry?”

“APOLOGY ACCEPTED!” He accepted that way too quickly.

Undyne let out a frustrated sigh. “It’s just that, there’s something weird about this river. It’s all sticky and burns my scales. I can’t get through it.”

“WELL THAT’S NOT WEIRD AT ALL!” Papyrus replied happily. “IT’S MADE OF SODA! NO FISH COULD SURVIVE IN THIS!”

“What.”

“DIDN’T YOU KNOW? A FAMOUS ROBOT WANTED TO ADVERTISE HIS BRAND OF CITRUS SODA, SO HE MADE A RIVER OF THE STUFF ON THE MOON! IT FAILED MISERABLY!” he finished with a cheery smile.

“I never knew,” Undyne replied, genuinely surprised. Guess it made sense the advertisement failed, huh? “What brand is it?”

“METTATON-DEW!”

She groaned. “I hate that stuff,” she lied again. If this soda wasn’t completely flat, warm, and filled with tons of other gross dirt, she’d have probably taken another taste.

“OH, I AGREE!” Papyrus nodded. “SODA IS TERRIBLY UNHEALTHY! ROTS YOUR BONES! BUT I STILL RESPECT METTATON, REGARDLESS! HE’S A GREAT ENTERTAINER!”

Undyne let out a noise which could have been interpreted as acknowledgement. She wasn’t interested in talking about that guy, and wanted to change the subject from soda before she gave away her secret. “So, what are you doing on the river anyway? Where you headed?”

“I’M LOOKING FOR MY BROTHER!” Papyrus said, without missing a beat.

Damn, that was heavy. She felt guilty again, but soon lost that feeling as she saw the skeleton’s bright smile. He was tougher than she thought.

Papyrus must have read her expression. “OH NO.” He waved his bony hand passively. “IT’S NOTHING SO SERIOUS!” But his voice faltered just slightly. “MY BROTHER’S BEEN WORKING ON A SPACESHIP, YOU SEE! BUT WHEN HE WENT ON A TEST RUN, IT CRASH LANDED ON THE MOON.”

“That sucks,” Undyne said, wishing she could sound more sympathetic. “You not from around here either, then?”

“NOPE! ORGINALLY LIVED ON VENUS WITH MY BROTHER!” That explains a lot. Venus was full of quirky air-headed monsters. “USED MY LIFE SAVINGS TO TRAVEL OUT HERE!” He turned to her. “WHAT ABOUT YOU?”

“I’m from Earth,” Undyne said. She usually was much more reserved about herself, but found it strangely easy to talk to this skeleton. “I stowed away on the space train here.” She jutted a thumb behind herself, pointing at the space train tracks in the black sky.

Papyrus raised a non-existent eyebrow, looking as if he wanted to scold her for stowing away. But, he found himself more interested in something else. “WHY?”

The question was so innocent, so simple, but Undyne was at a loss for words. Her forehead crinkled and she looked up at her past home. “I dunno.”

Perplexed, Papyrus asked, “WELL, WHY DID YOU WANT TO RIDE WITH ME ON THE RIVER?”

Undyne scratched her scaly head. “I wanted to get to the other side,” she said, but didn’t sound so sure.

For the first time since she met him, Papyrus frowned. “THIS ISN’T A SETUP TO SOME STUPID JOKE IS IT?” He even sounded a little angry.

“No!” She couldn’t resist a little chuckle at his reaction. “No, it wasn’t a joke.”

“THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST ASK ME TO TAKE YOU ACROSS?”

Another question she didn’t have the answer to. “I, uh, dunno? I guess I just wanted to prove to myself I could get there?”

The skeleton wearing a fish bowl over his skull said, “YOU’RE WEIRD.”

Surprised by her own laughter, Undyne countered, “You’re one to talk.” It felt good to laugh instead of getting angry.

The next few hours felt like a strange dream. Undyne laid back, staring up at the stars, the soda river sloshing and fizzing lightly around her, and all the while Papyrus went on and on about mundane things. The fishy drifter hadn’t been sure of many things lately, but she was sure she was happy relaxing on this river.

“AND THAT’S HOW I DEFEATED THE SPACE PIRATE TEMMIES WITH THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP! AND SPAGHETTI. MOSTLY SPAGHETTI. ALSO I DON’T THINK THEY WERE REALLY PIRATES.”

“Mmhmm,” Undyne nodded, not quite listening.

“YOU’RE SUCH A GOOD LISTENER!” Papyrus audibly smiled. She wasn’t sure how he kept doing that. “SPEAKING OF SPAGHETTI…”

“Mmhmm.”

“LOOKS LIKE THE NOODLES HOLDING MY RAFT TOGETHER ARE DISINTEGRATING.”

“Sure is.”

“ALSO, I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED THIS, BUT I CAN’T SWIM. ESPECIALLY IN SODA.”

“Yeah.”

“WELL, I LIVED A GOOD LIFE. NO COMPLAINTS HERE.”

Undyne nodded again. This really was the life. Sure, it might have been overly sweet, might have been a bit sticky, but it was good. Wait, that wasn’t right.

Snapping out of her day dreams, Undyne found herself suddenly submerged in stale soda. Her gills heaved and gasped, but there certainly wasn’t much oxygen to be found in here. Her lone eye burned in pain, but she refused to close it. Adrenaline pumped through her veins, and all her instincts screamed at her to swim to safety, but she wouldn’t leave the skeleton stranger behind!

Struggling against the thick sticky viscous liquid, Undyne found her new friend attempting to wave his arms like a bird, again. It wasn’t getting him anywhere. Bubbles formed and foamed all around his bones as the sugar ate away at his bones, but Undyne quickly grabbed his arms and pulled him up to the surface.

“I APPRECIATE YOUR HEROIC GESTURE, BUT I’D RATHER NOT SINK US BOTH! I’LL PROBABLY BE ABLE TO SAVE MYSELF ANYWAY!” Papyrus yelled, still waving his arms frantically.

“Shut up and let me rescue you!” Undyne growled, finding herself stranded directly in the middle of the river. Ngaah, this is exactly what she didn’t want to happen! The river was already eating at her scales, trying its hardest to swallow her up. She felt ten times heavier and struggled to even stay afloat. She couldn’t make it across the river before, how was she supposed to now with this gangly skeleton?!

“IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER, I HAVE THE UTMOST CONFIDENCE IN YOU! IF ANYONE CAN MAKE IT TO SAFETY IT’S ME! BUT, IF ANYONE ELSE CAN DO IT, IT’S DEFINITELY YOU!”

Papyrus was right! Undyne wasn’t going to give up here. His words encouraged her and cheered her on as she sluggishly swam through the sticky acid. Her lungs heaved, her mouth and gills were full of the sugary substance, and Papyrus never stopped yelling encouraging words into her fishy ears.

Time ceased to flow normally for the drifter, her body and mind knew only one thing now: she wouldn’t die, and neither would he! No matter what!

After what seemed like hours, Undyne felt the muddy dirt beneath her feet. Her eye was a blurred mess of green. Feeling the blue grass and dirt beneath, she collapsed like a sticky wet heap of clothes.

“WOWIE! THAT WAS SO COOL! YOU SAVED ME!” Papyrus beamed, dragging Undyne away from the hungry green river. “ARE YOU OKAY? DO YOU NEED MOUTH TO MOUTH?!”

The fishy female coughed and sputtered, spitting out as much of the citrus-flavored death as possible. “I’m fine!” she said between coughing fits.

“ARE YOU SURE YOU DON’T NEED MOUTH TO MOUTH?” Papyrus pondered patiently. “I SUPPOSE HAVING LUNGS AND LIPS WOULD BE HELPFUL FOR THAT, BUT I MADE SURE TO LEARN IT JUST IN CASE!”

“Please, no,” Undyne stuttered, slowly finding her breathing rhythm again.  At the very least, she probably would never want to drink another soda again after this experience.

After a few more minutes of wheezing and Papyrus’ worried inquiries, Undyne found herself sitting upright, her scales and clothes all sticking together uncomfortably. Strands of white dirt and blue grass stuck to her as well as Papyrus. Ironically, the glass helmet seemed to had protected his skull from most of the substance.

“SO!” Papyrus spoke, breaking the awkward silence. “NOW THAT YOU’VE CROSSED THE RIVER, I SUPPOSE WE’LL BE GOING OUR SEPARATE WAYS?” He looked to the side nervously. He clearly wanted to stay with his new pal.

Undyne grunted and closed her eye in thought.

Papyrus was a nice skeleton. Too nice. Too naïve. Sure, he had helped her traverse the river with his raft, but he also nearly killed them with said raft. At the same time, however, if it wasn’t for his confidence or his shenanigans, she might not have ever crossed the river.

She looked over to him, saw his eye sockets sparkling like a skeletal puppy.

If Undyne hadn’t met up with him, he’d probably be fizzing away in that river. Without her, this skeleton was sure to get into trouble! And she _did_ like trouble.

“What the hell, I got nothing better to do.” Undyne shrugged, her sticky shoulders making gross sounds with each movement. “Let’s find that brother of yours!” She grinned a fang-filled grin. For once, it wasn’t a forced smile either.

“WOWIE!” Papyrus squealed with delight, wrapping his bony arms around her in a soda-coated hug. “I’M SO GLAD I MADE A NEW FRIEND!”

Undyne quickly found her smile turning upside down. The sugary substance stuck to her scales and his bones, making a painful friction between the two of them. Not to mention she just really was not fond of hugging. “Who says we’re friends?!” she growled, trying to escape from his grip. Strangely enough, her strength was no match for him!?

“NYEH-HEH-HEH! THE GREAT PAPYRUS KNOWS A FRIEND WHEN HE SEES ONE!”

With a grunt, the fishy female finally freed herself from his friendship. “All right, all right,” she admitted. This guy didn’t back down. She respected that. “Enough of that though. Where to now?”

Papyrus scratched his glass helmet absentmindedly, staring into the moon forest. “MY GUT SAYS WE GO THAT WAY!” He pointed at what seemed like a completely random direction.

Undyne wanted to mention that Papyrus didn’t _have_ guts, but that wasn’t important. With another shrug, she smiled and joined him in the blue and red forest. 

* * *

The alternating colors were hard on her eye, but she and Papyrus persevered in trekking through the forest. Just a mass ocean of azure leaves and crimson trunks, her legs bulldozing through the bushes as every moon rock particle stuck to her skin. Finally, after a long, grueling hour, they found some form of civilization. The trees began thinning out, and a white dirt road could be seen leading to a lonely little building in the distance.

From the looks of it, it appeared to be a greasy little gas-station. It, well, looked like any gas station she ever saw back on Earth, the only major difference of this one being on the moon. (That and it seemed to be covered in cheap glitter). Kind of a dinky place, with rust coating its building exterior. Judging by its placement in the middle of nowhere, it probably didn’t see any customers. 

Except one.

“OH! THAT’S MY BROTHERS SPACESHIP!” Papyrus was practically hopping up and down. “WE FOUND HIM! COME ON, NEW FRIEND!” Taking huge strides, the tall skeleton sprinted forward. Undyne took this as a challenge, of course, and raced him there.

The spaceship was bone-shaped. There was no other way to describe it – it was a large, typical bone that was hovering just near one of the gas tanks, its white sides embedded with circular windows. It was exactly the kind of ship you would expect from a skeleton.

“W-why did you use so many s-staples to make your spaceship?” A voice stuttered.

Another voice let out a low chuckle. “heh, cuz they’re a _staple_ to the craft.”

“D-don’t you r-remember what we learned?!”

“nah, not really.”

“I-I actually don’t either for some reason…”

Papyrus jumped headlong into the voices. He had actually beaten Undyne there! Impressive. “SANS! I FINALLY FOUND YOU!” he shouted, hugging a shorter skeleton monster tightly. That must have been the brother.

Sans was exactly the opposite of what Undyne expected to be Papyrus’ brother. He was short and stocky, with a wide creepy grin plastered on his face. Instead of dressing authentically like Papyrus did, Sans wore a blue snow coat with not-matching pink slippers. Funny, Undyne didn’t think Venus was a snowy planet.

“aw, bro, you didn’t need to come lookin’ for me,” the brother said, feeling all too well the effects of Papyrus’ cobra-grip hug. The sugary soda stuck to Sans, but he didn’t mind.

“WHAT HAPPENED? WHY DID YOUR SHIP CRASH?” Papyrus asked, looking worried.

Even though his arms were tied tight by his brother, Sans still managed to shrug. “musta _spaced_ out.”

Papyrus immediately dropped him, smiles gone. “SANS, CAN YOU NOT RUIN THIS.”

“sorry, bro, i know you’re the _star_ of the show.”

“SANS.”

“can’t help it, i’m like a black hole, my jokes _suck_.”

“NOT EVEN LIGHT CAN ESCAPE YOUR TERRIBLE PUNS, SANS,” Papyrus added, feeling proud of himself for that one, adding a little ‘Nyeh-heh’ here and there.

Sans winked at his brother, clearly happy he finally got someone to go along with him. “so, how ya’ been? looks like you got into a _sticky_ situation, there, paps.”

“I’M GOING TO IGNORE THAT ONE BECAUSE I’M TOO EXCITED TO BE ANGRY,” Papyrus said, posing heroically. “DURING MY SEARCH FOR YOU, I FELL INTO THE SODA RIVER! LUCKILY, THE NEW FRIEND I MADE SAVED MY LIFE!” He pointed to Undyne, who had been standing back, not wanting to intrude on the reunion.

The light went out of Sans’ eye sockets once his sights landed on her. “…is that undyne.”

“OH! YOU KNOW HER! HAVE YOU TWO MET?”

Before he could go on, the other monster who had been standing beside him, working on the ship, jumped in. She was a mousy little lizard girl, big framed glasses hiding sparkling energetic eyes. She wore what looked to be a mechanic’s uniform, dyed blue and spattered with dark oil stains. Near her left shoulder was an emblem embroidered on her uniform – MTT something or other – with the letters all in cursive and obnoxious. “N-No way! A-are you really Undyne the Space Pirate?!”

Undyne groaned. She was afraid of this. “Yeah, yeah, but I quit that gig, all right?”

Inexplicably, the little dino’s glasses fogged up, her breathing coming out in sweaty gasps. “I-I can’t believe it! I-I have all your posters!” She dug through her uniform, pulling out a rolled up paper from her pocket. She opened it up with an immense pride.

Sure enough, it was a wanted poster. ‘WANTED: Undyne the Space Pirate. Wanted for the numerous raids on human ships, property damage, and general rude and disorderly conduct. REWARD: One Million Gold. Dead or Alive. Be warned, Undyne is an incredibly dangerous criminal! Do not approach her under any circumstance without ample protection!’ The picture showed off a grinning Undyne dressed in dark galactic space armor, running a finger across her neck.

“… do you really carry that thing on you at all times, alphys?” Sans asked, suddenly not in a joking mood.

Papyrus clapped his hands with glee. “WOWIE! I’M FRIENDS WITH A HARDENED CRIMINAL!”

The one known as Alphys looked up to Undyne, her yellow scales painting a deep red around her cheeks. “I-I know you’re not as bad as they s-say! Y-you steal from the humans to give to the m-monsters in need!”

Undyne grunted. While this nerd was cute, she didn’t like the past being brought up. Guess that was kind of the problem with being an intergalactic criminal. “I don’t intend to justify what I did,” she said solemnly.

The words passed through one ear and out the other of the nerd. Just the mere fact that Undyne had responded only made her more excited. “C-can I have your a-autograph?!” She inched nearer to the criminal, attempting to be as close as possible without inciting any rage.

“alphys, be careful,” Sans murmured, his slippers digging into the ground, as if ready to attack at a moment’s notice.

Papyrus waved his warning off. “NONSENSE, SANS! UNDYNE SAVED MY LIFE, REMEMBER? WOULD A BAD GUY GO OUT OF HER WAY TO SAVE A CLEARLY HEROIC INDIVIDUAL SUCH AS MYSELF?”

The lights returned to his eyes, but only slightly. “ya got a point, paps.” He kept his eyes locked on her still.

Finishing up her messy signature on the wanted poster, Undyne said, “Sorry I wasn’t completely honest with you, Papyrus.” Alphys looked at the returned poster in awe and swooned. “I used to be a space pirate, but that’s all behind me now. Someone taught me right from wrong. I don’t want to cause any trouble anymore.”

_Well, maybe a little trouble._

Sans shrugged. “no offense, lady, but you still seem _fishy_ to me.”

Ugh, that was such an overdone joke. Undyne growled. “Well, whatever. You found your bro, Papyrus, so I guess you two should get going.”

There wasn’t even a second of hesitation. “DO YOU WANT TO COME WITH US?”

“…papyrus, no.”

Undyne’s eye went wide. She expected Papyrus to be trusting and caring, but _this_ much? “I…uh…” The immediateness of it caught her off guard. “I don’t know if I --”

“YOU SAID IT YOURSELF, YOU’RE A DRIFTER! YOU DON’T HAVE A HOME! YOU SHOULD COME WITH US!” Papyrus smiled. He _actually_ wanted a space pirate as a friend.

Undyne was shocked. She had met just one other person in her life that had been as caring and hospitable to her as Papyrus was. In fact, that had been one of the better times…

Ngah! Enough thinking! “Yeah!” Undyne curled a hand into a fist. “That sounds great!”

“are you seriou-”

“C-can I come too?!” Alphys asked, sweat pouring down her scales.

“i don’t thin-”

“OF COURSE!” Papyrus smiled. “THE MORE THE MERRIER! PLUS, HAVING A ROCKETSHIP MECHANIC IS SURE TO COME IN HANDY.”

Wow. Undyne wasn’t even sure they knew who Alphys was, but she wasn’t going to complain about them bringing a cutie along. The mechanic in question could hardly contain herself. “B-burgerpants!” she shouted to the inside of the gas station. “T-tell Mettaton I’m q-quitting!”

There was a long silence before an exasperated sigh finally answered back. “Of course,” the voice replied, straining to sound polite.

She looked back to the skeleton brothers and then a long look at Undyne, as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. “L-let me just get some of my things!” She scurried away, muttering some kind of gibberish under her breath, her feet kicking up the glitter that was strewn on the ground.

Sans appeared to protest more, but instead just shrugged it all off. “leave it to my bro to befriend a dangerous criminal and then invite them to live with us,” he chuckled. It was a genuine laugh.

“AREN’T I THE GREATEST?” Papyrus posed again.

“yep,” Sans grinned. Undyne couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not this time. “welp, ship is working again. might as well get going. guess we can worry about these _dark matters_ later.”

“I WON’T LET YOUR PUNS RUIN THIS JOYOUS MOMENT, SANS.” Papyrus grinned with glee, turning to Undyne. “HAVE YOU BEEN TO VENUS BEFORE?”

Undyne couldn’t help but smile along with him. “Nope.”

“IT’S A LOT LIKE EARTH! THEY CALL IT EARTH’S TWIN!”

Sans hit a button on what looked like a T.V. remote. A sliding door on the bone ship opened with a satisfying spacey sound. “except it’s totally different. kinda like us, i guess, huh, bro?”

“INDEED!” Papyrus said cooly, bumping his fish bowl helmet on the top of the door as he made his way inside. “COME ON, UNDYNE!”

Undyne looked to Sans, but he was already gone. When did he go inside? Before she could continue, a heavy huffing came from behind her. “W-wait for me!” Alphys cried, lugging a bright pink briefcase stickered with all sorts of humans, each having different colored hair and big eyes. Stumbling along, she dashed inside the ship, staring at Undyne with a starry-filled gaze.

What a strange predicament this former space pirate had ended up in. Undyne had always wanted to see all the worlds. Luckily, there were a lot of worlds to see.

She stepped inside, and the ship prepared for takeoff.


	2. Space Pirates and Space Hunters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Moon River is up and running! The crew is settling in on their space adventures, spaceships, space beds, and other space things. But they have a lot to learn if they're going to be traveling together. A Wanted Space Criminal might bring more space trouble than they might realize.

_Space._

_A vast empty ocean, glittering with colorful planets, strange worlds, and stars bigger than even a really really big mountain. Predators lurk around every corner. Space pirates, blackholes, comets, and all sorts of bad things that space heroes don’t like unless the space heroes are bored and maybe want some excitement._

_Our ship (which we super coolly named Moon River in honor of where we met!) drifts through space, traveling from planet to planet, exploring the ripples of our universe. There’s such a lot of universe to see! We haven’t done any of that yet, but we PLAN to! Erm… anyway!_

_Space is weird. To think there are things out there that are so huge, so magnificent! It is quite literally infinite! Even the most wildest of fictions become truth out in space if you go far enough. What a thing to think about! It makes you want to punch it! hjkfuemc_

_What! No, why would you punch space? PHjmbfBC_

_Why wouldn’t you punch space?! ouewf_

_It’s rude! fxxxxzzxcmzx_

_It’s cool! GhiaefnjgewfPRokioAwehjtgpwuwydmghvn_

“UNDYNE, STOP, IT’S MY TURN TO WRITE IN THE SPACE CAPTAIN’S JOURNAL!”

“You already had three turns in a row!”

“IT’S MY BROTHER’S SHIP, SO I GET TO HAVE MORE TURNS!”

“Ngah!! We agreed that I was co-captain!”

“G-guys, please!” A shrill voice silenced their argument, freezing the ‘captains’ in place, their boney arms and clawed hands pressing keys at random. “I-I’m trying to work on the ship’s oxygen levels! O-one mistake and w-we could be suffocating in our own beds!”

A lazy chuckle. “well, you two, not us.” Sans didn’t sound concerned for his new fleshy friends. His pink slippers rested upon a soft space cushion decorated with bones, stars, planets, and bones.

The Great Space Captain Papyrus broke free of his struggle with Undyne, glaring at his lounging brother. Undyne took advantage of this moment to type aggressively in the spaceships console.

“SANS!” he scolded, his fish-bowl helmet fogging up with steamy rage. “I NEED OXYGEN TOO! I’M A SPACE MAN! SPACE MEN NEED OXYGEN! THAT’S WHY I WEAR THIS HELMET!” Presently, he pointed poignantly.

Ignoring the fact that Papyrus’ helmet was connected to absolutely nothing, meaning no oxygen was reaching him as he spoke, Sans said: “of course, bro. that’s why i installed an oxygen producer on the ship in the first place. pretty _breathtaking_ aint it?”

“SANS, AT LEAST TRY HARDER ON YOUR TERRIBLE JOKES!”

Alphys groaned, wiping the sweat off her brow, space tools (a wrench, but in space.) clinking and clanking on the floor as she worked. “I-I appreciate the attempt, Sans, but the oxygen levels were w-way too low for all of us!” She let out an exhaust filled sigh, grumbling to herself, “is-is this thing really held together with gum?”

Undyne finished her journal entry, already bored. Like everyone else, she ignored the gum comment with a shrug. “Alphys, we’re magic aint we.” It was more of an unsure statement than a question.

“Uh, well, yeah?” Alphys answered dumbly.

Undyne scratched at the gills around her neck. “So, do we really need air?”

Alphys scrunched up her face in thought, focusing on her task. “Well, you and I do,” she said, without her usual stutter. “Papyrus and Sans don’t.”

“I DO TOO NEED AIR! I AM A SPACE ASTRONAUT!”

“bro, you don’t need to add the space part to that.”

“ _YES, I DO_!”

Undyne ignored the skeletons, a confused frown on her face. She wasn’t normally one to question these kinds of things, but when faced with a possible lack of oxygen, it was usually best to be somewhat prepared. “But, why do we need air then?”

Alphys’ expressions changed into disgust as she pulled out another piece of gum from the mechanical panel of wires and tubes and other equally space and future sounding things. “Well, you see, it’s all about belief, right? Like humans can only hurt us if they intend to do us harm and believe they want to hurt us.”

Undyne scowled, her eye narrowing.

Alphys didn’t notice. “But us monsters, or at least the more fleshy kind, we _believe_ we need air. So if we find ourselves without it, we’ll die!”

Undyne looked down at her own chest and noticed it rising and falling at an uneven pace now that she was aware of it. Experimentally, she held her breath.

“BUT I NEED AIR TOO!” Papyrus protested, offended that he wouldn’t die due to lack of oxygen.

“you’re more of a bonehead than an airhead, paps,” Sans chuckled, leaning back into his cushion.

She couldn’t hold her breath any longer. With a wheeze and a gasp, Undyne found herself breathing again. It looked like it wasn’t quite as simple choosing not to breathe. This must have been something in her unconscious mind, or whatever that nerdy junk is.

“thanks for the exposition, doctor.”

Once her breath was back, Undyne growled his way, “Only bonehead here is you.”

No witty remark, no shrug, not even a glance her way. Somehow that just made her even more angry.

Alphys sighed with content, looking to the rather large pile of chewing gum next to her (how do skeletons even chew gum??) and wincing. There was way too much, but it was gone now. The wires were tidy, the bolts were bolted, at least as far as Undyne was concerned, it seemed to all be in order. The air felt… aireyer? Huh, maybe this was all in her head stuff again.

“I t-think this will do for now,” Alphys said, closing the panel tightly.

Papyrus attempted to take a great big breath of air, almost puffing his chest out somehow. “AH, MUCH BETTER! THANK YOU, DOCTOR!”

She raised an eyebrow but nothing more. “You’re w-welcome.” She wiped the sweat and grime off onto her coat. “Now, if you’ll e-excuse me, I need to update my s-status!”

Papyrus clapped his hands together. “OH! I WILL BE SURE TO LIKE, COMMENT, AND SUBSCRIBE!”

“Wait, Alphys, what?” Undyne asked, a look of concern on her face, feeling a lack of oxygen ironically.

Alphys became aware of Undyne’s intense reaction, beads of sweat and stutters escaping her body. “O-of course! I-I always update my s-status every fifteen m-minutes! M-my followers m-must know!”

Undyne grit her teeth and quickly shuffled over to Alphys, grabbing her shoulder with a light intensity, trying not to scare her, but failing to do so. “Alphys,” she repeated, looking directly into her eyes. “You didn’t… post those pictures of us together, did you?”

“I-I-I…” Over the past few days, Undyne and Alphys had become very close, sharing a room together, sharing almost everything together. Alphys could never fear Undyne, and Undyne would never hurt her but!... She was afraid of what she might have done. “W-well, at first I _did_ um p-post my autographed poster of you!”

Undyne’s eye widened.

“A-and, I p-posted how we w-were traveling in a ship together! W-with the cool Space Pirate Undyne!” Alphys still found time to swoon over the name. “I-I told everyone you weren’t n-nearly as bad as they all said!”

Papyrus beamed, clearly not reading the room well. “IT’S TRUE! I ALSO ADDED MY UNENDING PRAISE ABOUT YOU TO THAT POST! YOU’RE THE COOLEST NUMBER ONE WANTED SPACE CRIMINAL I KNOW!”

“B-b-but then, someone…” Alphys clenched her fist, and her stuttering stopped. “Someone said fake! They said I was faking it! I faked the signature! They said ‘pics or it didn’t happen!” Alphys did the voice in a very unflattering tone, all while Undyne stared on in horror. “Well! I proved him wrong! Once I posted that picture of us together with my Mew Mew Kissie Cutie plushie, they shut up! I showed that stupid troll what for!” She breathed with a grin, clearly proud of herself.

Undyne had to admit, Alphys was extremely attractive right now, but this was not the right time. “When did you post that?!”

“YESTERDAY!” Papyrus chimed in. “OH, I LIKED THAT PICTURE SO MUCH! I EVEN USED ANOTHER ACCOUNT TO LIKE IT AGAIN!”

“Oh, you’re colskeleton95?” Alphys asked.

“YES, THAT WAS MY FIRST ACCOUNT, I MADE A MISTAKE IN THE NAME, BUT DECIDED TO KEEP IT JUST IN CASE.”

Sans scratched his skull. “i really should check spacebook more often for these things.” He shrugged. “probly could have prevented this. oh well. i’ll look tomorrow for sure.”

Undyne didn’t even have a blasted spacephone! She wanted to, obviously, but it’d only bring trouble, and this proved it! “Tell me you guys don’t leave the auto tracking feature on, right?”

Alphys coughed and gave Undyne the worst poker face in the universe. “…no?”

Papyrus, as per usual, came in with his overbearing honesty. “I DO, DON’T WORRY! I WANT TO MAKE SURE ALL OF MY FOLLOWERS KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME!” He checked his space phone again quickly. “OH, ALPHYS, I SEE YOU HAVE IT ENABLED AS WELL, DON’T FRET!”

She grinned, her face drenched in sweat.

“I’M NOTICING A HUGE SURGE IN FOLLOWERS AS WELL! A WHOLE ONE! THAT’S DOUBLE THE FOLLOWERS I USED TO HAVE! WOWIE!”

Undyne let out a sigh of relief. Maybe no one was aware of these two on their social media sites, maybe they could delete the pictures and statuses right now and everything would be fine.

“H-hey, m-me too! I-is your new follower XxxCurds_and_WheyxxX?”

“WHY, YES IT IS! SHE SEEMS LIKE QUITE THE COOL CAT!” He paused, thinking of a better word. “OR SPICY SPI…” 

Why did that name send shivers down Undyne’s spine? Thousands of little tickles all running down her scales. She shook her head. It was probably nothing. “Screw whoever that is! Alphys! Papyrus!” Undyne growled, standing tall, her captain-like presence returning to her. “I need you both to delete all those posts, and turn off your trackers right now or els-”

The Moon River suddenly jolted, an explosion knocking everyone but Sans off their feet and onto the ground. He let out a little snore. Bones, spaghetti, and anime figures toppled over, clattering and splatting along the chrome floor. Undyne ignored everything, her instincts quick, she held Alphys tight, pulling her off the ground and keeping her safe from any further damage.

Papyrus’ bones rattled as he shakily attempted to regain his composure. “WHAT WAS THAT?” He yelled with a tinge of fear in his usual confident voice.

The rocking finally subsided to Undyne’s relief. Alphys pressed her face into Undyne’s dirtied shirt, whispering apologies the whole time. Undyne refused to blame them. It was her fault for coming aboard, it was her fault for not warning them the dangers of harboring a criminal in the first place.

“was wondering when this would happen,” Sans yawned, his feet still up. She felt those little specs of light on her neck, felt the judgement.

Now wasn’t the time to get angry. Undyne pried Alphys away from her stomach and looked her in the eye, rubbing the sore spot on her head. “Alphys. Alphys, it’s okay, don’t worry, but I need you to find out if our engines are still working, all right?”

Alphys nodded, but didn’t move.

“Please, get to it,” Undyne repeated sternly.

“R-right! Sorry!” Alphys quickly snapped herself out of her shock and scurried away into one of the rooms.

She wondered how they weren’t all vaporized right now, but there wasn’t time for that. Undyne quickly jumped over the heap of Papyrus on the floor and to the controls on the front of the ship. Sure, it wasn’t her ship, it wasn’t even a _good_ ship, but she knew how to fly them and maybe, just maybe she could still get them out of this.

A voice crackled from the speaker. “E-Engines are down! W-we’re completely immobile!”

Undyne cursed. Whoever hit them knew what they were doing. “Can you get them back up?”

“Y-yes, but it’ll take at least thirty minutes!”

Gritting her fangs together, she looked over the display screens and other various bone-shaped buttons, trying to remember the old days. “How about our shields? Weapons? Does this ship even have weapons?” Ngah, she should have checked all this beforehand! Why did she allow herself to become so sloppy!

“don’t know, eh?” Sans yawned, as if reading her mind. “we got some nice shields, at least. not so much in the weapons department.” She felt those little beads of light on her back again. “really shoulda known that by now, space pirate.”

“I know!” Undyne roared.

“whoever it was must be good, too,” Sans continued, his words lazy and filled with a spite that only she could hear. “probably an expensive shield piercing missile used to go straight for our engines is my guess.”

She whirled around, eye twitching in anger at Sans. “ _I know_! Why don’t you do something useful and help Alphys!?”

He shrugged. “i’m not any good at this tech stuff,” said the creator of this ship.

Papyrus finally managed to bring himself up, his rattling quieting down. “DO WE KNOW WHO HIT US? MAYBE IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT!”

Fat chance. Undyne checked the radar. A small bone icon signified their ship, and at the edge of the radar, an annoying looking dog icon began to appear. Undyne let out a sigh of frustration. “Is that dog icon another ship?”

“yep,” Sans said with an awful audible grin in his voice.

She ignored how much he was enjoying this. At least this meant it was probably only one ship. If it was the Space Cops they’d already be swarmed by now. Whoever this was, they weren’t with the Space Queen. She wasn’t sure if that was good or bad.

As the annoying dog grew closer to the bone on the radar, Undyne was able to look out the cockpit of the ship’s window, out into the dark inky reaches of space and see their attacker slowly loom forward. Whoever they were, they were enjoying this. Undyne clenched her fist, avoiding the urge to punch her own machinery.

“WE SHOULD OPEN UP A CALL WITH THEM!” Papyrus meekly requested. “IT MUST HAVE BEEN AN ACCIDENT!” He repeated. His rattling bones and stuttering voice betrayed him, however.

The enemy ship floated ever closer, its black form becoming slightly clearer in the darkness of space. It was a cute little spider, and the legs on each corner of its body appeared to be jet engines, while the other four legs seemed to be some kind of high-tech weaponry. Aside from the cute features, this other ship was clearly armed to the teeth, sleek, and dangerous.

Undyne fumbled on the controls, looking for the right button.

“phone icon,” Sans mumbled.

“I was going to find it!” Undyne hissed, finding the bone button that was shaped like those extremely old-school relic phones that no one even makes anymore. She pressed it, and looked up into the newly projected holoscreen.

“I HOPE THEY ANSWER,” Papyrus said as the machine rang in a horrid high-pitched tone.

She must be toying with us, Undyne thought with a grim frown. It was all too clear who they were dealing with, now. Someone she had hoped to never encounter.

“Ahuhuhu!” A girlish laugh wafted pleasantly through the ship, the voice reaching through every speaker. A face appeared to match, the screen a bit of a mess of static after the damage they had taken. Multiple red eyes gleamed, and a fanged smile greeted Undyne, much too pleasant. “My my, deary, I’m ever so sorry, I appear to have struck you.”

Papyrus’ face brightened. “SEE!? I KNEW IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT.”

“Cut the crap, lady,” Undyne growled, in no mood to play her games. “You’re that Intergalactic Space Bounty Hunter Muffet, aren’t you?”

“don’t need the space part,” Sans grinned.

“Shut it!”

“SHE DOES!!”

The woman on the screen only smiled wider at that, another pleasant laugh escaping her pretty little lips. “Ahuhu, so you know me! And I did so hope to have a little fun.”

“Hard not to know one of the top bounty hunters in three galaxies over,” Undyne growled.

“four galaxies now,” Sans corrected.

“I said shut it!”

Muffet sipped at her tea, forcing Undyne to wait for a response. She always hated these power plays. She preferred battles be settled over fists, not words. With a little clink, Muffet’s tea was finished, and a happy spider took her set away. “My my, and it’s quite difficult to not know _you,_ deary. The Dread Pirate Undyne I believe they called you?”

Undyne winced. “I don’t go by that name anymore.”

Muffet shrugged. “That doesn’t quite matter to those who would pay me, deary.”

“Get to the point, what do you want?!”

The screen flickered out only to reveal Muffet’s grin had grown wider, hungrier. “Ahuhu, deary, that should be obvious. I want you!”

Undyne clenched her fists. Fine. This wasn’t the best outcome she could think of, but it was the one that would work. If she could hand herself over, maybe the rest would be spared. She opened her mouth, ready to surrender.

“NEVER!” Papyrus shouted, pushing Undyne to the side to make sure his face would be seen clearly.

Muffet blinked. She didn’t expect this.

“paps, let fish face do the talking,” Sans said.

“NO WAY!” Papyrus refused, somehow able to hold Undyne back from the controls. “WE WILL NEVER SURRENDER!”

Muffet grimaced. His voice was too loud for her delicate ears. There was no laughter. “Deary, I think it’s in your best interest to give me that dreadful pirate.”

Undyne struggled against his grip, unable to get back on the screen. “Hey! Listen to her!” she yelled. “Give me up! I’ll be fine!”

He wouldn’t flinch in his stance metaphorically and not-metaphorically. “EXTREME NEGATIVE!” Papyrus nodded, still causing Muffet to flinch with his voice. She one of her many hands to lower the volume. “YOU SAVED MY LIFE UNDYNE! YOU’RE NOT THE DREAD PIRATE PEOPLE SAY YOU ARE!”

The Dread Pirate in question struggled under his gangly grip. “So what!?”

“SO!” Papyrus continued heroically, finger raised to further his point. “IF ONE OF US DIES, WE ALL DIE! IT’S ONLY FAIR.”

Undyne’s eye went wide, as with Muffet’s. “Are you insane?!” They said in unison.

Papyrus merely grinned. “NYEH HEH HEH! JUST TRY AND TAKE US DOWN! WE’LL SHOW YOU THE TRUE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP!”

“nice one, bro.”

Undyne and Muffet’s jaw was left agape for a few seconds. Neither were prepared for this kind of… ‘optimism’ was probably the nicest way to describe it.

Muffet quickly composed herself, a sly grin and an airy laugh back as the status quo. “Ahuhu, well dearies I certainly don’t mind! A Dread Pirate’s dust will still be just as valid! I only hope I don’t blow your ship apart too much, finding your crumbling bodies will be quite the bothersome chore.”

“Wait! Wait!” Undyne wailed.

The holographic screen hung up, leaving only a terrible looming silence. Papyrus stood completely still, stuck in his heroic pose from before.

“so captain, what’s the plan?” Sans asked pleasantly.

“ARE THE ENGINES STILL DOWN.”

“Y-yes!”

If Undyne didn’t know any better, she’d say Papyrus had turned bone white and got replaced by a heroic statue. “IS TALKING IT OUT STILL OUT OF THE QUESTION.”

Undyne finally broke free from his grip. “Yes!”

In the distance, she could see the weapons powering up, purple glow highlighting the black edges of the spider’s legs. They didn’t have long. Muffet would probably not use her full fire power at least, probably hoping to keep damage to a minimum. Undyne didn’t have many options, but there was still one thing she could do that got her out of more than a few scrapes.

“You guys got a teleporter in here?”

 

* * *

 

The teleporter wasn’t working.

A cold clammy hand clamped her claw. At first, the sensation was normal. Alphys was trying to get her attention. But wait, why was this hand so rough? At the same time, it was brittle, like a breeze could break the bones with ease. Oh, god.

“What the _hell_!?” Undyne screeched, ripping her hand out of his cold phalanges. “What are you doing, you creep?!”

Sans shrugged, his smile strained now, as if painful to hold up. “needed a hand, i guess.”

There were so very few times in her life that Undyne had ever felt violated. This was one of them. Just the mere touch utterly disgusted her. His entire being burned into her scales, that lazy smile, that worthless sense of dread, his useless nihilistic outlook, ready to give up at the first sign of trouble.

“Don’t you e _ver_ touch me again,” Undyne growled, wondering why Alphys wasn’t fussing over her right now.

Sans made the ‘ok’ sign with his fingers, like she wasn’t worth the breath, ironically.

Her blood boiled. A spear was already in her claws, even she hadn’t realized it. Undyne wanted to continue to berate the puny little bag of bones, but noticed something else wasn’t right. The Moon River was certainly a lot darker. Seriously, where did Alphys and Papyrus go? Were there always cobwebs?

“Ahuhuhu,” laughed a lofty voice. That. Was not Alphys. “And here I thought Dread Pirate Undyne would have put up a fight! Instead she throws herself right into my parlor. A bit disappointing, but delightful regardless!”

“How?!” Undyne asked dumbly. “Our teleporter was broken, how did…” she looked over to Sans, regretting it instantly. He just shrugged of course. This was hilarious to him, wasn’t it?

Muffet’s space suit hugged her slender frame. Her ribbons bounced as delicately as her laughter, teacups and teapot in one of her many hands. “I appreciate your playing coy little fishy.”

Sans stifled a laugh in his ribs. Undyne glared.

“But it’s clear your so called friends just handed you over to save their own skins!” Muffet stepped forward through her pitch black ship, tiny spiders skittering away from her feet, acting as cute/terrifying shadows. She held a hand over her fanged mouth, as if to also hide her laughter, but doing a terrible job.

For a moment, that idea screeched through her mind. Alphys, Papyrus, would they really hand her over? Of course not. Sans however… He was staying conveniently quiet for this. 

“Fat chance!” Undyne roared. “I sent myself here to kick your disgusting spider butt!”

The insult landed squarely on her face. _Disgusting!?_ Her grin faltered, and she frowned. “Ahuhu,” she laughed again, strained this time. “You’re even more a fool I thought!” She waved one of her hands absent-mindedly. “And here I was just about to cease firing on your little friends!” Her eyes narrowed, and her fangs gleamed. “You know, those skeletons may be tasteless, but that pale lizard girl would make such a juicy donut.”

Undyne grit her teeth. “I’m the only one allowed to eat her!” Instant regret. Sans snorted. Undyne’s battle strengths lied in her spears and weapons, not pen and paper. “Ah, whatever, forget it! Let’s get this over with!”

She ignored the cute little spiders beneath her and charged forward. Luckily, they narrowly avoided her stomps much to Muffet’s worry/relief. Sans, of course, stood back, hands in his pockets. Worthless as always. She didn’t need him.

“Ahuhuhu,” Muffet cooed. “You must be green with envy of my ship and my quips! I think a nice royal purple will soothe those blues.” In the next instant, her eight hands pulsed with a purple glow, highlighting the skittering webbed walls. There was no time to dodge, it seemed to surround her at every angle.

Soft silky webbing wrapped around her scales delicately, slowing her movement to a stop just before Muffet. Soon, her entire body felt as if it were in a soothing warm embrace of a thousand blankets, yet a strong force kept her still. She struggled against the light fluffy magic, but its warmth stopped her, cooled her boiling rage. Her muscles felt weak, her eyelids heavy.

“Ngaah!” Undyne could only move her head now, her entire body wrapped tightly in this marshmallow-like fabric. Desperate, she looked back to Sans. He was sleeping! How!? How could he be so useless!? “Are you just gonna stand there and let her kill us!?”

His body jolted and a muffled sleep groan escaped his bony teeth. “you got this.”

She felt the webs rip and tear around her claws as she imagined crushing his pathetic skull in her claws. He’d shatter into a million pieces, and she’d be glad there’d be no chance at putting him back together.

Another soft laugh. Muffet sipped her tea with one hand, the others still glowing with power. “Your friend is smarter than I thought. Maybe I will spare them after all! Ahuhu, I will regret not biting into that juicy little lizard, but I won’t regret making you into a delicious sushi roll for my cute pet!”

Before anyone could object that a sushi roll doesn’t exactly fit a bakery theme, one of the ship doors opened with a groaning metal screech. The dark scuttled away, as a gross hairy leg stomped into the dim light. Undyne grit her teeth. She didn’t fear it. It _was_ pretty disgusting, though. The giant spider lumbered in, its giant gaping mouth drooling with an endless hunger. It stared at Undyne, wrapped comfortably in her royal silks, realizing its master had brought it another tasty treat.

It moved closer, rancid breath melting her nostrils, the smell drifting through a dry throat. Undyne suppressed a gag, and looked back at Sans who apparently was content with letting her die a gruesome death. She felt no anger towards the monster, not even any rage toward Muffet who was willing to kill her own monsterkind. At least her motivation made sense. She’d be getting a hefty reward once they’d found Undyne’s dust. Sans, however?

“You worthless sack of bones!” Undyne screamed at the skeleton, her claws ripping the webbing uselessly. “I should have known you’d let me die!” He kept his eye sockets closed, lost in that fake slumber of his. “At least have the decency to watch me die if you’re going to let me, _coward!_ ”

Muffet’s monster opened its gaping chasm of a mouth, the shadowy void of its insides beginning to envelop Undyne. This wasn’t her ideal death. Devoured by a spider. She’d hoped she’d have gone down fighting the demon lord of space. At least Alphys and Papyrus would be all right.

“guess i’ll throw ya a bone,” a voice sighed. Sans?! She must have died. No way in hell he was helping. Undyne heard the distinct sound of a bone bonking a creature’s head. It clearly struck with the force of a pillow filled with kittens, but it got the creature’s attention. The mouth left Undyne harmlessly, other than a bit of thick rancid drool here and there. Her vision back, she witnessed the lone bone Sans had lobbed pathetically bounce off the creature and just narrowly miss a surprised Muffet.

To their surprise, it struck the ship’s console and hit a button at complete random. _Whirrrrrr_. Speakers on the corner of the ship suddenly blasted music into existence, the beat drumming into her skull and her very being. The spiders all throughout the ship began swaying their cute little bodies to the tune, Muffet’s hip swaying in unison as well. She couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh, how thoughtful of you deary! Dinner with a song! This meal will be all the more delicious now!”

Undyne’s eye witnessed the giant spider creature vaguely curve its mouth into a wicked, disgusting smile. Its abdomen also shook sluggishly with the music, and it began making its way towards Undyne again, mouth agape, happier than ever before.

Sans simply shrugged and scratched the back of his skull. “huh. done all i can do.”

Undyne couldn’t believe it. That stupid skeleton saved her, just to let her die three seconds later! He gave her the hope she might live, only to swipe it away again! What kind of sick freak?... How could he be so useless?! How!? Her mind reeled, her veins nearly popped out of her scales in rage. She tasted her own blood on her lips, finding she had bit down too hard. Her vision turned red, and soon she couldn’t even feel the soft silk holding her in place.

“ _You lazy little coward!_ ” she screamed at the top of her lungs, the webbing near her shredded to pieces as if it were nothing but a stuffed doll. She forgot everything. She knew nothing anymore. She wanted only to kill the skeleton, see his bones break and burst. She charged forward, spear in hand, dodging Muffet’s creature absentmindedly, much to her vocal dismay.

Sans was right in her grasp now. She used every ounce of her being, every bit of magic to thrust her weapon into him, her eye desperate to see his bones dissolve into dust, his soul shatter and fade away. She felt her weapon strike directly into hard metal, piercing the stuff like hot butter. Somehow, her attack had missed. Wires sparked and writhed from the wall, explosions rocked the entire ship, but the music still blared. The spiders didn’t care.

Muffet shrieked, somehow the only one able to comprehend what happened. Her arms still swayed in tune as she shouted. “Our shields! Come on, stop her!”

_Where did he go!?_

“looks like you tuff’d it out,” Sans said through a low chuckle. “ya know, like tuffet? since muffet and tuffet and … ah, well, you get it.” How did he get over there?! It didn’t matter! Undyne would still kill him. She’d freakin’ do it! The beat pounded in her chest, her boots pounded against metal in sync, as she charged forward toward him again, her rage unquenchable.

A hulking form got between her and Sans. She didn’t bother even looking its way. In a swift motion, she suplexed the thing, tossing it to the side like it were a mere pebble. There, Sans was back in her sight, his stupid grinning face just waiting to be punched.

“My pretty!” Muffet screamed as the ship rocked again from another explosion. Her once cute face began to sweat into her many eyes, but she still danced, her arms preoccupied. Each hand desperately tapped and clacked away at some sort of holographic keyboard, red exclamation marks blaring before her face, steam hissing at every angle.  The other spiders seemed to love the smoke and light show though.

Undyne ignored the chaos, still focused on that lazy blue in a sea of red. His hands stayed in his pockets, but a single slippered foot tapped along to the music silently, his grin wide and clearly mocking her. “nothin’ seems to get to you, eh fish face? your moves are _silky_ smooth. if i didn’t know any better, i’d say you’re cara _pissed_. ya know, like carapaces. like a spider.” He sighed. “these puns aint easy.”

Undyne wanted to tear her ear fins out. “ _Will you shut the hell up!?_ ” Why wouldn’t the music drown him out!? Why was he everywhere she looked?! Why wouldn’t he leave her alone!? What seemed like a hundred bright green spears fizzed into existence, pointed directly at Sans’ thick skull. He couldn’t dodge all these! The next moment a shower of green shot forward like glowing lasers at a concert, piercing the ship’s hull with ease yet again. The spiders were in absolute awe.

Another bright red exclamation mark blared in Muffet’s many eyes. “Now weapons are down!?” Before she could continue working, a small explosion blew her back on her butt, her legs still trying to fight the music’s beat but failing.

Undyne’s mind was in a frenzy. He was dead now! He was dead! Surely! Finally! He’d be dead! She’d be dead soon too, of course, but at least he’d die with her like he deserved! Her chest heaved as webs, debris, dust and dancing spiders cluttered the now thinning air. When everything cleared, she saw him. Sleeping. Standing up. Not a single scratch on him.

“I _know_ there is no way you actually fell asleep!” Undyne howled, her voice quite mad with rage. He mocked her, still! After all this! She couldn’t believe it! Would it take some kind of ultimate death laser to finish this!?

Undyne wasn’t quite sure if she really had succumbed to madness aboard this exploding ship of dancing and raving spiders, because in the next instant, that is exactly what happened. A blue blast of energy shot through the ship, cutting it in half with the heat of a thousand suns. The ship really rocked this time, gravity lost completely.

Whatever just hit them knocked her back into her senses. The ship was falling apart. It’d be a heap of scrap metal soon, and the vacuum of space would suck her and everyone else out into oblivion. The spiders floated happily, their limbs dancing forever.

It was over. Muffet was through. But it looked like Undyne and Sans were through, too.

Thinking quick, Undyne pushed herself off whatever floor or wall she was near and swam through the sea of cute dancing spiders, noticing Muffet’s big pet struggling uselessly in the gravityless environment. In the chaos, she found her way to this ship’s teleporter, hoping somehow, it might still be intact.

“God damnit!” Undyne roared, pounding her fists into the buttons and into the teleporter platform in a desperate attempt to get it working. The oxygen was leaking, and clearly the ship was not getting any more. “Sans!” She cried out over the blaring of sirens and music.

“need somethin’, fishy?” he replied almost instantly, floating lazily in front of her with his arms behind his back.

She didn’t have time to kill him now, he was going to do that to himself in a second anyway. “Get the teleporter working again, quick!”

He didn’t even shrug this time. “nah.”

“Are you kidding me!?” She huffed, wheezing for air already as the ship creaked and distorted around them, soon to fall apart. “We’ll _both_ die!”

“maybe you will.” He pointed to his skull. “bonehead, remember?”

“You…. you!...” Her vision was getting blurry again, she couldn’t think of anymore insults, and the music began to get distorted.

“tell ya what,” he interrupted, his sockets finally staring at her for once. “promise me something.”

“Sure, whatever!” Undyne coughed.

“promise me ya won’t ever hurt Papyrus.”

That was an easy promise! Not that it’d matter, anyway, there was no way she was getting out of this one. “Of course, I’d never hurt him, you idiot! He’s the best friend I’ve ever had!”

Sans grinned at that, wider than usual. The music drifted away. Everything was exploding. “shake on it.” He held out his bony hand.

Whatever! She was dead anyway! Nothing mattered at this point. Might as well die proving she cared for Papyrus! No longer able to speak, she grabbed his sweaty (somehow) phalanges and made to shake. Instead, she heard something over the explosions.

_Pffffrrrrrbbbbbtt_!!! A whoopee cushion. Mother fu-.

The ship exploded in a brilliant flash of light, bits and pieces of metal scattering out into the inky dark black of space, never to be heard from again.

 

* * *

 

Papyrus and Alphys stared in awe at the sight. Purple and blue and green, a rainbow of colors exploding in the black of space. The Moon River had been damaged, but nothing Alphys couldn’t fix. Muffet’s ship, however, was nothing but scrap.

“I-I thought you said y-you had barely any weapons installed!” Alphys screeched, staring out into the debris.

Papyrus scratched his fishbowl absentmindedly. “WELL I’VE NEVER HAD TO USE MY BLASTERS BEFORE, I GUESS I DIDN’T REALIZE SANS PUT THOSE IN.”

“B-but!” Alphys was sweating up a storm, eyes scouring out into the mess of metal, hoping to find something, something that wouldn’t destroy her.

One of the pieces of scrap seemed to jiggle. Papyrus and Alphys focused on it intently, unable to say another word. It sputtered and sputtered, skittering in the opposite direction with a purple glow. It was…

“A DONUT?”

Sure enough, a cute little donut flew out of the debris, the cockpit in the center of the pink donut revealing a cramped and clearly unhappy Muffet, stuffed with her thousands of spider friends and one rather large spider pet. The others were having a good time at least. The little donut’s engine whined to life, dashing away with what little dignity it had left.

Alphys still couldn’t find the others, though. Her clammy hands clenched into tight fists, her pale yellow face turning into a bloody red. “I’m focusing the blaster on Muffet’s escape pod!” She cried in a fit of rage, her hands moving with a lighting fast grace Papyrus had never seen before. The Blasters hummed to life, and the reticle fixed on what remained of Muffet.

Papyrus shrieked. “NO! DR. ALPHYS SHE IS DEFEATED, STOP!”

“She has to pay!” Alphys cried, ignoring the bony protests.

“think she’s paid quite a bit, wouldn’t make much _cents_ to shoot her now,” Sans replied from behind, already lounging back in his chair.

“SANS!” Papyrus groaned. “QUIET! CAN’T YOU SEE WE’RE ARGUING OVER THE MORAL DILEMMA OF WHETHER OR NOT TO TAKE REVENGE FOR YOUR DEATHS!?”

“sorry, bro.”

“W-what,” Alphys huffed, her finger hovering over the blaster button.

Undyne appeared from the teleporter room shortly after, her hair a mess of sweat and cobwebs, chest heaving. “She still deserves it!” she huffed. “But, let her go. Gotta say, pretty hot how you were willing to blast her to smithereens for me.” She grinned.

There wasn’t a second thought. Alphys forgot her rage, and forgot her crippling anxiety. She left Muffet to her escape and traded revenge for an embrace with Undyne. “You’re all right! How?”

Grinning through gasped breaths, Undyne managed to say, “That bonehead musta got the teleporter working last second.” She returned the hug with a happy groan. “Geez, babe, watch your grip.”

Papyrus frowned, attempting to stay angry at his lazy brother for worrying him, but failing. “SANS, IS THAT TRUE?”

“shrug,” Sans said without a shrug.

“YOU’RE LUCKY I’M EXTREMELY GLAD YOU’RE NOT DEAD,” Papyrus said, lifting his brother for an embrace as well.

“eh, i’m fairly glad too, bro,” Sans said with a yawn, appearing genuinely tired this time, but enjoying the hug all the same.

...

* * *

_And then everyone stood up and clapped. Being a Space Captain is hard, but rewarding work! Looking forward, we-_

_Wait what, no one clapped, Papyrus._

_I AM ADDING TO THE OVERALL SPACE FEEL, YOU WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND!_

_This nerdy stuff won’t work, just write down the important part, how we totally beat up one of the best bounty hunters in the galaxy!_

_I WAS GETTING TO THAT! FjgijajfijgmGTNgm_

_Space can be really boring and really stupid sometimes, but sometimes its NOT boring! Sometimes you beat up a legendary bounty hunter! Fjianuwyef and SOMETIMES, you learn to share with your co-captain! Shouldn’t we end with a life lesson that we learned? Like how friendship conquers all!_

_Fjueahfnj. Friendship didn’t do jack! My fists and your freakin’ lasers conquer all! I learned nothing, and I’m GLAD! Hahahahagijuhwfm don’t SAY that!! GKijgmegmGKGJ_

_Well, all right. I learned one thing. I need to pay better attention to what I’m doing. It’s not just my own hide I’m putting in danger now. I put all you guys in danger just by being here. I’m going to be more careful from now on._

_OH HO! So you DID learn about friendship, didn’t you!?_

_SHUT UP! You guys better also learn from this by not FREAKIN’ POSTING OUR LOCATION TO EVERYONE!_

_Nyeh-heh-heh! Anything for my new best space friend! MFmewfuuh god, you’re such a nerd, too!_

_One thing’s for sure, as long as we’re together, we’ll be able to handle anything this universe throws at us! We’re ready for anyone, and anything, Afanau aND we’ll punch them better than anyone’s ever seen! GMFhhpr IF THEY DON’T WANT TO TALK IT OUT, FINE!_

_I’m tired of this! I need some rest after all that butt-kicking!_

_Moon River Space Journal, CLOSE!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sources/Research and information from: 
> 
> Google.com  
> Wikipedia.com
> 
> And various terrible ideas from my good pal, Kaesa.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspiration from [this song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXhhdNL05sY)


End file.
